That day, that night...part 5

Yeah....so that Christmas. We wanted to fix it. Did we really? Did he? Or he just went along with it for the sake of the relationship? ~~~
The last Christmas I got to spend with wonderful people, because his family... they are amazing. It was a miracle to have gotten to know them. And there was I, scared, shy...I couldn't even strike up a conversation on my own. Not just because of not knowing what to say...I am not English. That bothered me from the start. "What if I say something weird? If they laugh at my accent?" I was insecure about that the whole time. When I did manage to talk tho...i was proud and happy. They either just went along with having a foreigner with them or liked me a bit...I dunno :) But I was grateful for all the time I had with them. I miss it. Most importantly, I never mattered. All what was important to me that he didn't lose the time with his family, that he did not have to give it up to be with me. That is what I focused on. I wonder if it was worth it....
I had so many things I wanted to know about them.
There were some family photos...In 2015, I was on them, smiling. On this years....you can't see me. Why does that fact hurt? I don't know....
Then, after the pub....there was New Years Eve(from now on NYE) ...Happiest and saddest day on that week.
I got to see him play Rugby. Man, he was perfect. I wanted to sneak a picture in his uniform..thingy. Turned out to be a video. The last one I have of him. He did not even look at me, did not kiss me. He was just ...off. Wonder why....did he feel it was our last day? I thought it was a usual day. It was not.
He played brilliantly. I have fallen for him once again. Seeing him free, and enjoying it. I even encouraged him to go back to playing. I wanted to go and cheer for him again. See him grinning again after a match. Wanted to learn the rules so I would understand what's going on...now, I can't even watch it on TV. Reminds me of our last day together.
Later that day, his friends arrived. Normally I loved them. This day was different. I made him promise, 2 weeks before NYE that we would celebrate together. Him, his family and me. He promised. Then he got a call a few days before NYE...he did not even think about it.He just said, yeah sure come over. It was never about his friends. Even if they did not like me. I liked them. I tried to get into their circle, to be one of them, but if they talk about stuff I can't understand, don't know about...I wasn't confident enough to just change the topic. Still, I went there, with him so he did not have to give up his time with his friends. When I wasn't around, all I said: "Be careful, have fun and I love you" . I don't think I was a bad girlfriend. It wasn't about that on NYE either. It was about his broken promise.
So they arrived. I was sad, mad. Yes, I was mad and acted stupidly. 
I said: I am not going down. 
He said: Sure? 
I replied: Yes, I am sure.
He slammed the door...and left me alone for the whole night. Alone, up in his room. I was lonely, angry...and I did not want to go back on my word...I wanted to see if he really wanted me to be there. All I wanted was to see, if he was man enough to come up and ask me again. He did not come.
There was a family dinner that night. I was still angry...and he did not ask me why, did not try to talk to me. It was close to the end of dinner...and I started to feel better. Laughed, talked...then his brother accidently (not blaming him) hit me with an ice cube. He...my boyfriend. Did not even bat an eye..What was I still doing there? After dinner, I ran. I ran back to the house. He did not even try to come after me if I was okay....I thought, he would ask me again...if I wanted to join them. He did not. He did not stop me when I headed to his room. I was up again, alone. He was with his friends. And i cried. Even at midnight....he did not make me stay. He came up to get me for midnight's countdown...and did not care when I went back to his room. I knew, something was very wrong.
I said it for the last time..."I want to break up"
What he said, shocked me beyond belief..."I was thinking about that too"
I bursted out crying. I wanted to cry and say "I am sorry I just want to talk, I want you to tell me what is wrong. I don't want to lose you"  But instead....I was just crying. He did not ask me why. I wanted him to see, I was just hurt. That he would say "We can work this out, honey."
I saw a glimpse of hope when he said "Let's go on a break instead...of breaking up right now"
Hope. That is what I should not have had. He gave me hope for the last time. I should have shouted "LETS JUST TALK IT OVER" "A BREAK IS A DEFINITE END....IT'S JUST THAT YOU CAN'T SAY IT INTO MY EYES" It should have been over then and there. Instead, he gave me false hope. I hugged him for the last time that night.He did not. It was only me. I was right. He never said it into my eyes. What a coward.